MORE ON LEARNING ENGLISH-(MOLE)

In the beginning, it was a very simple one. 

Whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out his or her complete name and some facts about his or her family, business and political opinions.

 He fixed all these facts well in mind as part of the picture, and the next time he met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard.

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Sometimes it is difficult to remember a name, particularly if it is hard to pronounce. Rather than even try to learn it, many people ignore it or call the person by an easy nickname.

 Sid Levy called on a customer for some time whose name was Nicodemus Papadoulos.

 Most people just called him “Nick.”

 Levy told us, “I made a special effort to say his name over several times to myself before I made my call. 

When I greeted him by his full name, ‘Good afternoon, Mr. Nicodemus Papadoulos,’ he was shocked. 

For what seemed like several minutes there was no reply from him at all. 

Finally, he said with tears rolling down his cheeks, ‘Mr. Levy, in all the fifteen years I have been in this country, nobody has ever made the effort to call me by my right name.’” 

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Years ago, a poor Dutch immigrant boy washed the windows of a bakery shop after school to help support his family.

 His people were so poor that in addition he used to go out in the street with a basket every day and collect stray bits of coal that had fallen in the gutter where the coal wagons had delivered fuel. That boy, Edward Bok, never got more than six years of schooling in his life; yet eventually he made himself one of the most successful magazine editors in the history of American journalism. How did he do it? 

That is a long story, but how he got his start can be told briefly. 

He got his start by using the principles advocated in this chapter. He left school when he was thirteen and became an office boy for Western Union, but he didn’t for one moment give up the idea of an education. 

Instead, he started to educate himself, He saved his car fares and went without lunch until he had enough money to buy an encyclopedia of American biography—and then he did an unheard-of thing. 

He read the lives of famous people and wrote them asking for additional information about their childhoods.

 He was a good listener.

 He asked famous people to tell him more about themselves.

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If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long.

 Talk incessantly about yourself.

 If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish:

 bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence. Do you know people like that? I do, unfortunately;

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People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves.

 And “those people who think only of themselves,” Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler, longtime president of Columbia University, said, “are hopelessly uneducated.

 They are not educated,” said Dr. Butler, “no matter how instructed they may be.” 

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So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener.

 To be interesting, be interested. 

Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering.

 Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.

 A person’s toothache means more to that 

person than a famine in China which kills a million people.

A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa.

 Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

 PRINCIPLE 4 Be a good listener.

 Encourage others to talk about themselves.

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Mr. Duvernoy had been trying to sell bread to a certain New York hotel.

 He had called on the manager every week for four years. 

He went to the same social affairs the manager attended.

 He even took rooms in the hotel and lived there in order to get the business.

 But he failed. “Then,” said Mr. Duvernoy, “after studying human relations, I resolved to change my tactics.

 I decided to find out what interested this man—what caught his enthusiasm.

 “I discovered he belonged to a society of hotel executives called the Hotel Greeters of America.

 He not only belonged, but his bubbling enthusiasm had made him president of the organization, and president of the International Greeters.

 No matter where its conventions were held, he would be there. 

“So when I saw him the next day, I began talking about the Greeters. 

What a response I got. 

What a response!

 He talked to me for half an hour about the Greeters, his tones vibrant with enthusiasm.

 I could plainly see that this society was not only his hobby; it was the passion of his life. 

Before I left his office, he had ‘sold’ me a membership in his organization. 

“In the meantime, I had said nothing about bread

“In the meantime, I had said nothing about bread. 

But a few days later, the steward of his hotel phoned me to come over with samples and prices. 

“‘I don’t know what you did to the old boy,’ the steward greeted me, ‘but he sure is sold on you!’ 

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Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

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If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return—if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve. 

Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap.

 I wanted something priceless. 

And I got it.

 I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me. 

That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory lung after the incident is past. 

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So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us, How? When? Where? 

The answer is: All the time, everywhere.

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